Nine Things My Dad Has Taught Me

My father is still married to the same woman after fifty years. He has been fathering for forty-eight years and grandfathering for twenty-one years. My dad is the kind of man who says what he means and means what he says. Many people have learned from him through his job as a personnel manager or as he led in his church. Even after retirement, he still volunteers his time and talents on a regular basis.

Today’s post is in honor of my father. My Dad has taught me many things. Here are nine of them.

 

Work hard

Finish what you start. It doesn’t matter if it’s hot or if the job is difficult. Get the job done and do it well. Sweat is good for you. Work hard so you can pay for half of your first car.

Take care of things

Wipe the sand off your feet before entering a tent. Remember to feed the dogs. Don’t leave a bike parked behind a car. Change the oil regularly. Don’t wreck the car.

Do the right thing

Volunteer. Donate. Give to those who have little. Go to church. Tithe. Speak up for what is right. Write a letter. Ask to speak to a manager. Practice self-discipline. Say you’re sorry. If it’s your fault, make amends.

 

Understand the value of money 

Be frugal. Watch for good deals. Get your money’s worth even if it means refilling your cup of tea three times. When eating out, you can leave the bread but you must eat the meat. Take good care of things and don’t wreck the car.

Do your best

He would rather me fail, than cheat. Be honest. Always look for ways to improve. Challenge yourself. Pay attention. Don’t give up. Stick with it.

Be careful

Wear shoes when you ride a bicycle or a motorcycle. Helmets are even better. Don’t talk to strangers. Look both ways—twice. Wear a life jacket. Wear a seat belt. Don’t wreck the car.

 

Be adventurous

Don’t be afraid. Try new things. Go places you’ve never been before. Jump the biggest waves. Swing on a rope over a river and let go. Ride the fastest roller coasters. Go to college. Drink pickle juice from a jar.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Laugh—a lot

Don’t worry. Find the humor in things. Take things in stride. Keep it all in perspective. Have fun but be safe. Don’t wreck the car.

 

Difficulties build character

When you don’t always get what you want, when you want it, it builds character. Learning to manage with less builds character. Working hard for something builds character. When there is no other explanation for a denied request, “It builds character” is the response to accept.

 

Proverbs 6:23 says,

        “A wise man’s heart guides his mouth,

        and his lips promote instruction.”

 

I am blessed. My dad’s teachings are wise. Some things he knew before I was born and some things he learned along the way.

As a father, he had to work hard and take care of things. He understood the value of money and handled it wisely. Although not perfect, he tried to do his best and do the right thing. While being protective and careful with his children, he still managed to provide lots of fun, adventure, and plenty of laughter for them.

 

My dad is a man of character and integrity. I’m thankful for the time he now devotes to building the same character in his grandchildren that he first began in his own children.

 

I love you, Daddy. You wisely teach us, by the way you live your life. Thanks for always being there for me—even the three times when I wrecked the car.

 

 

The Seasons of Life Are About to Change

The summer season is just around the corner and there’s so much to do.

 

 “There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

…a time to plant and a time to uproot,

…a time to weep and a time to laugh,
…a time to mourn and a time to dance…” (from Ecclesiastes 3)

Things are changing around my house. We’re preparing for our oldest daughter’s wedding and our middle child is making plans to head off to college. While we are excited for them, the transitioning is not always easy.

We’ve spent all these years loving and tending to our young “plants” and now it is time to uproot them. As they’re transplanted, hopefully some of the fertile home soil will cling to their roots, encouraging a continuing strong growth.

There’s been a little weeping but mostly laughing as we remember days gone by…chubby little hands painting my toenails, sometimes entire toes, a rainbow of colors…little girls covered in mud as they tried to build an adobe…and all the special concoctions they came up with using discarded refrigerated items.

Those precious hands will continue to create a unique place in the world. One daughter will be teaching music and art at a pre-school while she finishes her last year in college. She will also create a loving home with her new husband.

The other daughter will blaze her trail into pursuing outdoor ministry along with a business degree. Both girls are passionate about serving their Lord and Savior in the ways He creates for them.

While he hasn’t wept (yet), I guess Dad has done more of the mourning than anyone has. He’s happy for both of his daughters but he is a bit sad about his girls moving away from home. He’s going to miss their steady stream of smiles, hugs, and kisses. He has always been a good keeper of his daughters’ hearts—protecting them from day one.

When our girls wanted to share their hearts with someone special, Dad was always first in line to check the gentlemen out. Any young man who has called on one of our daughters can testify it is not a deed taken lightly.

We are blessed that one sweet, young man understood. Thankful for what God has brought together, we plan to celebrate and dance into the changing season.

Are You a Butterfly or Still in a Coccoon?

Happy to be out of those tight cocoocn, butterflies and moths are flitting about. Are you aflutter with happiness or are you in the midst of a dark cocoon? We all go through cocoons of trials in our lives.

We often ask God to take away a difficult situation. Sometimes He does change our circumstances, but quite often, He chooses to change us.

When a caterpillar is inside the cocoon, it is essentially being broken down and reformed into something new. Can you imagine going in as a caterpillar and being pressed and pulled in all sorts of seemingly unnatural directions?

2 Corinthians 4:7-9 (NIV)   “ But we have this treasure in jars of clay, (or in this case treasures in cocoons) to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed but not in despair; ^persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”

Psalm 118:5 reminds us   ^“When hard pressed I cried to the Lord;
he brought me into a spacious place.”

It’s during our most difficult and darkest hours that, if we trust God, and lean not on our own understanding, that we, too, are transformed into something stronger, something better.

How many of you can testify that it has been through your darkest hours that you grew closer to Jesus? And when you came out of the testing, you were changed for the better?

Nobody wants difficulties in life. No one really desires to go into a dark cocoon. But, what a miracle it is when God brings us out of one and into a spacious place!

God promises he will not allow us to go through more than we can bear. We may question that at times. When our situation seems impossible that’s when God’s power is more visible.  

There is a caterpillar that builds its cocoon on a reed underneath water. The cocoon protects it from drowning. And in God’s perfect timing, a butterfly emerges from the cocoon. Can butterflies swim? No, but this one does. It swims right through that pressing water and out into a “spacious place.”

There’s another kind of caterpillar that produces a sweet juice. Ants really like this kind of caterpillar. When this caterpillar enters into its cocoon, the ants carry the cocoon down deep under the ground into their nest. Seems like the caterpillar is doomed, doesn’t it? But God has a plan. The caterpillar stays protected in its cocoon. When the butterfly finally emerges from the cocoon, God enables it to climb right past those ants, out of those tight, dark tunnels and into a spacious place.

No matter what cocoon you’re in, anything is possible with God! Hang on and keep praying—butterfly days are just ahead!

 

When It Rains, It Pours

You’ve had those times, when one thing after another seems to pelt you with discouragement. Some days, when it rains, it pours.

Two days before I attended a Christian Writers Conference I found myself overwhelmed. If it weren’t for the non-refundable deposit, I would have surely backed out. It all started with an umbrella.

 

 

Two days before the conference, my umbrella flipped its lid during a rainstorm and never recovered. I kept forgetting to pick up a new one. Then I heard they were calling for rain during conference week.

The night before my departure, I begged my husband to pick one up on his way home from work. My directions were explicit. It needed to be a one-push-button, compact umbrella. He even called me from the parking lot asking what a push-button umbrella looked like. He assured me he knew what I meant. Somewhere between his car and the aisle with his favorite little blueberry muffins, he forgot all about the umbrella.

When the muffins arrived, without an umbrella, I dashed to the little store down the street. I grabbed one of the one-push-button umbrellas near the checkout and dashed back home to finish packing.

I should have tested the umbrella at the store. That umbrella weighed less than the six dollars I paid for it. One slight breeze would result in another soggy disaster. I threw it in the back of the van and prayed for sunshine.

There were several misadventures of the week:

·         a broken air conditioner (God quickly sent a repairman)

·         a microwave that beeped erratically at all times of the night (I pulled the plug)

·         me getting lost numerous times (God sent me a new friend each time)

·         me being locked inside my room, on the third floor, due to a faulty lock (I got out. How I got out is a miraculous story I’ll save for later!)

These things kept me laughing and made for good conversation at meal times.  However, not everything was humorous.

 

 Early in the week, I was overwhelmed with some work I had brought with me. Deadlines looming, I was second guessing every word I wrote. Then it began to pour as self-doubt clouded all my decisions

I try to pray often when I’m writing but occasionally I allow Satan to drop a negative thought in my head.

“Who are you to do this?”

Another single thought drops,

 “ You have no experience.”

And another,

 “You can’t do it.”

Soon, Satan’s subtleties are like Chinese water torture. One drop at a time, not very big by itself, but one consistently following another, it begins to make its mark.

I cried out to the Lord begging for His help.

It’s easier to trust God with things like a broken air conditioner. I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt it the repair would take place. When I’m writing, who can fix that?

I left my room to go to a workshop. On the way, I met a woman on the elevator. Introducing myself, I asked my usual question,

“What do you write?”

“Sunday School curriculum,” she replied.

Hmm…Someone with that kind of experience could be helpful reviewing my project. Thanks, Lord. Do Your thing.

The woman and I talked awhile and ate a meal together later. She offered to look at my work-in-progress. Not only did she help me get back on track, she also prayed for me.

Another golden nugget she passed along was a piece of advice. She reminded me of my role and of God’s role in my work. I have to trust Him fully.

The next day, God placed another lady in my path who trains people to go out into the mission field. She shared some helpful tips as well.

Later, God sent several others who committed to pray for me and for the project. This was humbling. They did not know me but they knew my God.

God gave me friends just when I needed them. He gave me clarity and focus to approach my work with a fresh attitude—one with less focus on my inabilities and more focus on His amazing abilities.

The second morning of the conference, I walk into the main auditorium to hear the keynote address. God is always having a great sense of humor with me. Every single chair in the room has a one-push-button umbrella on it.

God’s blessings are amazing. When it rains, it pours.

 

 

Day Three at Blue Ridge Mountain Christian Writers Conference



Wow! Three days of packing in writing workshops and making wonderful new friends at the BRMCWC is wonderfully exhausting!
 

This bumbling new conferee made a little progress today. I only got lost two times today. Actually, my directional limitations are a blessing. People tend to befriend lost puppies.

Making new friends is the highlight of my conference experience. Most of them I only recall their first names but I have plenty of business cards to help me reconnect later.

 



Todd Starnes, Yvonne Lehman

Today, I did make it to the correct workshop led by Todd Starnes of FOX News. Between what I learned in his class and the class led by agents, Blythe Daniels and Jessica Kirkland, I plan to implement a few changes to my blog and facebook accounts soon. Apparently, I need all you dear friends to interact with me on my Sally Matheny Writer page, so more details about that later.

 

There is so much to learn about the business of writing. Now, when I read a book to my son, I say, “Let’s see who poured their life into this book.” 

Edie Melson & Sally Matheny

This week, I’ve met many people who are pouring their lives into learning the craft. Some are early in their journey. Others have been traveling the writing road for some time. Tonight at the Blue Ridge Mountain Christian Writers Conference writers set aside the laptops and notepads to acknowledge the rigorous, long march of a few writers. We celebrated their successes with an awards banquet. 

Want to see more photos? Zip over to my facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Sally-Matheny-Encourager-Writer-Speaker/330720517002724?fref=ts


Day Two at Blue Ridge Mountain Christian Writers Conference

Making Great Friends at BRMCWC

Day two at the conference sent me in all directions. Again, I became lost. I wonder if someone could invent a room locater? I could type in my current location, Holly E, and my desired location, Mountain Laurel #2. My lovely device would then systematically take me where I’d like to go. Then, that sweet, older man who works here wouldn’t feel so bad for me. After asking him for directions several times today, he insisted he take me to the building in his golf cart. I was totally embarrassed but I enjoyed chatting with him about his family. The staff here is exceptional.

Todd Starnes (FOX News) at BRMCWC

Embarrassment was the highlight of my day! The class schedule is printed in size 2 font and I forgot my glasses in my room. I thought I would try Todd Starnes (of FOX News) class on blogging. After the nice man in the red shirt drove me to the front door, I bumbled in a few minutes late. I hastily found the room number and quietly slid in the door. Apparently, not quiet enough as all seven of the punctual ones turned to see who came in late. I smiled weakly and mouthed the word, "sorry."

Celebrating with a new friend who just got a nod of
interest from agent, Blythe Daniel!

It didn’t take me two minutes to figure I had made a mistake. I had looked at the wrong day on the schedule. Mr. Starnes was talking about how to prepare for TV and radio interviews once your book is published. Have you all read my book? Yeah, well, there's a reason for that. (I write for magazines)

Then, horror of horrors, Todd Starnes begins going around the room asking people their areas of expertise. The answers began, “lawyer…lawyer…doctor…" What have I done? How do I get out of here?

Mr. Starnes must have a sixth sense. Or perhaps he noticed my jaw on the floor. He asked every person except me.

Nonetheless, I had an answer ready to verbalize as professionally as possible.

“My area of expertise is an extensive study of cerebral disorientation.”

An eternity of a minute later, a photographer came in to take a few photos. Before the door could shut behind her, I made my quick getaway.

Author and BRMCWC co-director, Edie Melson

Oh, and if some photo pops up somewhere about published authors at BRMCWC, just overlook that lady with the red sweater and matching face in the back row.

 

(There have been many great things happening during my time here as well. I promise to share those soon.)

 

Day One at Blue Ridge Mountain Christian Writers Conference

Alton Gansky drawing names for prizes.

I'm doing a little something different this week. This is my first time attending the Blue Ridge Mountain Christian Writers' Conference in Asheville, North Carolina. So, this week, I'm posting about my perception of the conference as a new attendee.

The conference is held at the Ridgecrest Center which is on hilly terrain. I didn't arrive early enough yesterday to get one of the prime parking spots so I'm getting in lots of much-needed exercise!



One of my new friends wins a prize!

The staff here is fantastic. There are people all over campus eager to help. Somehow I keep getting lost and can't find my way to different buildings. Yes, I have a map. But unless it states a "You are Here" circle, I can't figure out where I am! Thankfully, I'm staying in the same building where the meals are served.

The workshops have been great. Some of the awesome classes I had today:
"4 Characteristics of Best-Selling Children's Books" by agent Sally Apokedak,

"Start Making Money Now" by author Michelle Medlock Adams
"Write From Your Life" by author, actor Torry Martin, who was also our keynote speaker tonight.

I have been gleaning from editors and agents all day. Writers can set up 15-minute appointments with them throughout the conference. These are golden opportunities for writers. Even if you do not have a project to pitch, you will always glean helpful and encouraging insights.

Another winner. Not me. :)

Today I met with one editor and one social media expert. The time was well spent. Tomorrow, I plan to meet with an agent and another editor.

Another great thing is conferees are allowed to sit at the tables with all these agents, editors, and published authors during meal times. Sometimes the conversation is business but it's also a treat to hear their personal life stories. It helps reduce stress during interviews later when they've just shared helpful hints at the dinner table on how to bathe cats, or kids, or whatever.

Torry Martin

Keynote speaker, Torry Martin, was terrific tonight. If you ever have a chance to hear him speak or watch him on YouTube, do it. He generously shares his knowledge as well as his heart for the Lord.

One of the most awesome things about this conference is it is a Christian conference. While we're all unique (or as Torry puts it "uniquely weird!"), we all have a heart for Christ. It is amazing to see how God brings people together. No meeting is by chance.


I've met lots of new people today. I haven't met anyone I didn't like! In fact, I think I met a woman today who will be a friend for a lifetime.

Mother’s Day Gifts: Beauty is in the Eye of the Gift-Giver

Best Mother's Day Gift Ever

 

Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers and to all those who mentor others with a mothering kind of love. I hope you felt honored in some way. Perhaps it was a card or an extra special hug. Maybe you received a gift. If your gifts are from younger children then I’m sure you’re well aware that beauty is in the eye of the gift-giver.

I was about four years old when my daddy took me to the store to pick out a Mother’s Day gift. Never before had I been able to choose the gift all by myself. Determined to find the best gift ever, I walked up and down the aisles of the small department store.

My older sister was a thoughtful kind of kid—well behaved, smart, and orderly. She soon chose a pair of soft, bedroom slippers as her gift.

I, on the other hand, was a rambunctious, tangled-hair, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of kid. I had no idea what to get but it had to be something fun, and colorful—something WONDERFUL! 

Several things caught my eye, but I kept going back to a ceramic bank. It was a horse. Perched on top of it was a Napoleon-looking soldier. The whole thing had a cartoonish look to it but my favorite thing was the hot pink in the uniform he was wearing.

My daddy told me to hurry and make a decision. I just knew my mother would love this bank. Daddy gently asked if I was sure that was what I wanted to give Mommy. Excitedly, I assured him it was the perfect gift.

On Mother’s Day, my mother opened my sister’s gift. She loved her new bedroom slippers. She said they were just what she needed and gave my sister a hug.

Then, she opened my gift. Did she like it?

You should have seen her eyes light up with delight. Her smile told me she loved it as much as I did. I was thrilled I had found such an awesome gift.

Now, as an adult, my perception of the bank varies greatly from my four-year-old viewpoint.

 My mother isn’t a pack-rat so I’m not sure why she has kept that bank for over forty years. Perhaps because of its unusualness.

My mother and sister

As a child, I liked that she held onto my gift over the years. As an adult, I treasure that little bank for other reasons. It reminds me of the tender, unconditional love my mother has always given me. Her unwavering encouragement over the years is captured inside that quirky, little bank.

Now, that I have kids of my own, I’ve received some “interesting” gifts as well.

However, the gifts are not near as precious as the children.
Their beauty is forever in the eye of a mother.

 

Happy Mother's Day, Mama. I love you. Thanks for loving me.

 

Carrying Around Injected Lies Since Childhood

Courtesy of Dreamstime Photos

We hear lies every day from all sorts of media. As adults, we try to research, seek wisdom, and discern the lies from the truth. Sometimes, children aren’t as fortunate. Even some adults still carry around lies they were injected with during childhood.

I remember when I was about ten years old, our fifth grade class received boxes of beautiful books. We were told the class would be divided into groups. Each group would have their own book to read through together during the year. We’d never had “reading groups” before, but we thought it sounded like fun. My friends and I were excited to see which of the pretty books we would get. We thought the book titled “Diversity” had a pretty cover and “Serendipity” looked cool, too.

Tina, Kim, and I had been best friends since kindergarten. We liked doing everything together. It never occurred to us we could be separated.

Students took a reading placement test. Apparently, the pretty books varied in reading difficulty. The next afternoon, the teacher called out each book title followed by the names of who was in each group.

Smiles and squeals darted across the room as the names were called for the “Diversity” group. Several of my friends’ names were called. Kim’s name was called. A nervous feeling dropped in my stomach.

 “How many people can be in each group?” I whispered to Tina. She gave a half-smile and shrugged her shoulders. The teacher called another name—then Tina’s name. Tina and Kim celebrated. Surely, my name would be next.

It was not.

Stunned by the sudden isolation, I barely heard my name called for the “Galaxies” group. Other names were called, but I did not hear them.

The Diversity reading group was asked to move to an area at the front of the room. I watched in agony as all my closest friends excitedly walked past me.



Courtesy of Dreamstime Photos

That was the day Satan injected me with a lie. I began to believe I was not smart or good enough.

I carried that lie and believed it to be truth for a long, long time.

Was it my teacher’s fault? No. The N.C. Department of Education’s—maybe. Satan’s? Absolutely.

So, what lie have you believed most of your life?

“You’re ugly.”

“You’ll never amount to anything.”

“You don’t belong.”

“You’re no good.”

“No one will ever love you.”

I hope you know they are all lies.

I remember going up to my teacher after school that day. With tears in my eyes, I asked her if there was any way I could be in the Diversity group. She explained about the placement test but assured me if I worked hard, I would catch up to them.

I was determined to catch up and be in the Diversity group. I did work hard but reading groups in school, back then, weren’t really geared for self-pacing. There was never an opportunity to join the same group as my friends.

My compassionate teacher always gave me hope and inspired me to keep at it. She never did anything to make me feel inferior. She and my parents encouraged me to do my best and not to worry about anything else.



Courtesy of Dreamstime Photos

I did give my best, but somehow I still locked into the lie that I was substandard. It would be years before I allowed God to break that chain.

Fact is my friends were academically smarter. They scored higher on achievement tests and didn’t seem to struggle with some of the subjects as I did. But it was okay. God had different talents and strengths for me.

God has a superb plan for each of us. He created each person to be unique. How amazing is that?

Problem is we slow down the progression of that superb plan when we are mired up in lies. God is so awesome, though. Nothing is impossible with him. If we will let go of the lies, God will work amazing wonders! He can transform our weaknesses into His power tools! He can convert our self-imposed hindrances into catapults for His kingdom.

Are you hanging onto a lie from long ago? Hit the eject button, and prepare to be amazed at what the Truth can do!

Gumption

Gumption. It can mean practicality, common sense, or downright guts of courage.

It had been two years since our last visit to the roller-skating rink. Not much has changed. Same disco ball. Same glow-in-the-dark neon splashed carpet on the walls. They did have some new “walkers” for beginning skaters that made me laugh. The kids looked like they were practicing for a future Sr. Citizen Roller Derby!

Whoever came up with the idea of the walkers made with PVC pipe, connectors, and wheels was very wise. Whoever decided there should be an additional charge of two dollars to rent one was a genius.

One could say they had a lot of gumption. There were two more people at the skating rink that greatly impressed me with their gumption.

One was a little girl in pigtails about six years old. Her name was "Carrie." She kept falling down about every two minutes—or less. She even had the aid of one of the walkers and yet she still would slip and fall. I watched her with fascination. Most kids steadily skate around the rink. Carrie was different. Every time, she would start out pushing the walker, then, very quickly Carrie chose to do one of two things.

Plan A was to become a blur as she “speed skated” as fast as she could. Pigtails flying behind her and then CRASH! She hit the floor, legs sprawling and tangling up with the walker.

If Carrie wasn’t speed skating and speed-falling, she always fell back to Plan B. Taking a few steps with the walker, she then pushed it to the side and tried to skate on her own without its assistance. Once again, Carrie met with the floor rather quickly. Only a tiny flicker of pain came across her face. She never cried out or complained. She just crawled across the floor, playing “Frogger” with the oncoming skaters. She had to crawl because she did not know how to stand up in her skates without holding onto the walker.

The cute little girl clearly did not know how to skate but that didn’t stop her. As I was watching in amazement at her determination, I heard a woman’s voice behind me.

“Excuse me,” she said. Smiling and shaking her head, she added, “I never thought I’d be out here at my age. It’s been years since I’ve skated.”

“You’re braver than I am,” I said, patting her shoulder as she passed by me.

The woman looked to be in her early sixties.  She was skating beside a little three-year-old girl. The little girl had the walker but if I were Grandma, I would have gotten one too! Grandma was a pretty good skater. She just inched along at a slow speed, taking pictures with her cell phone. Clearly, she was having a good time with her granddaughter.

Now me, I was cheering my son on from the sidelines. Don’t get me wrong. I’d love to be out there skating with him but I’ve got neck issues. One bump from a skater or from the hard floor would put me in the bed for days. So, I took photos and cheered from the sidelines.

Several parents were walking beside their kids as they skated. My son, who isn’t too cool for his mom just yet, called for me to come walk beside him.

Just as I walked out onto the rink, a skinny little girl fish-hooked my leg and we do-si-doed for awhile before regaining our balance.

As I made my way to my son, I noticed the Grandma taking more photos with her cell phone. But this time it wasn’t of the little three-year-old. She was taking photos of the pig-tailed speed-skater girl.

I thought the Grandma must be as fascinated with this girl as I am. Then, I noticed how they were talking with one another and smiling at each other. As we drew closer to them, Cara took another spill right in front of me. I offered her a hand and pulled her up.

“You’re doing awesome!” I told her.

“Thanks!” she said with a big grin and skated off again.

I looked over at Grandma and asked her if the little pigtailed girl was hers.

She nodded, still smiling, and said, “I never thought I’d be raising four grandchildren, but here I am.”

I conveyed to her how much I had been admiring the bravery of her granddaughter.  I told her that little girl would go far in life because she never gives up and just keeps picking herself up and keeps trying. Before walking away, I added that Carrie had more gumption than anyone else did on that skating rink.

The grandmother smiled proudly and nodded as she inched away on her skates.

I only witnessed two hours of Carrie's life today but she captured my heart. I’ll probably never meet her again but I feel certain she's got a great future ahead of her.

She’s learned how to have gumption in the midst of adversity, and she’s learned it from her loving grandmother.